In a good, skillful, or satisfactory manner.
Make it well
All is well
It is well
I always loved the song “It Is Well With My Soul”. I really learned to love it more as an adult when we would go to church and my dad would harmonize with it. His voice always carried and it filled the church. I’m sure those around us giggled but the man wasn’t afraid to praise the good Lord above that’s for sure.
I suppose that’s where I got it: my love for life, my live out loud personality. From my dear ol’ dad. In 2024, our family was flipped upside down. January 15th. I’ll never forget it. Freezing my tail off in Montana at the circuit finals to a phone call that said, we got the results back, it’s cancer. “Hey, it’s early. It’s fixable. He’ll start treatment and then May he’ll have surgery and by June he’ll be back to planning auctions and going about his life.”
This was incredibly wrong. September 22, 2024 I said good bye to the best man I ever knew. It is well. It is SO NOT WELL. This is so dang wrong. 62 years old, a family he loves, 2 thriving businesses, a bright light in the big-small town community that we lived in. What the heck happened?
Talk about questioning your faith. I was so heartbroken. The ache? I can’t even describe the physical ache my body felt. My cheeks raw and my eyeballs felt like they would pop out of the eye socket for how swollen they were. The tears? They kept coming. How could this happen? So many things unsaid yet my dad and I were PALS. I stopped at the shoe repair shop that my dad owned every single morning on my way to work. We solved all life’s problems at the back table. A text sometimes that would say “you fly I buy” meaning the man wanted some lunch but was so dedicated to his business he would never put a sign on the door in case he would miss a customer if only being gone for 15 minutes.
I’ve been processing grief for 19 months now. Oof. There is no rule book. There is no right or wrong answer but it is in fact the biggest roller coaster you’ll ever ride. How many stages of grief are there? I think they say five or something like that? More like 15 and you can feel all of them in one day. Shock. Anger. Denial. Sadness. I read one time, acceptance and that one hit me in the gosh dang gut. Wait, what?
After my dad passed, I started seeing the phrase “all is well” randomly. I am a signs girl so I tried to think of it as my dear ol’ dad just popping in to say, “Kid, I’m fine.” One morning at the bank where I couldn’t even dry my tears to say good morning to the teller, the car’s license plate in front of me, alliswell. Hmm. I saw it on a billboard traveling. I heard it on the radio one morning. The DJ was my parent’s neighbor and he probably wasn’t even speaking in the terms I needed it to be but it just came out when I happened to be in the car.
It is well. All is well. The hymn promising peace in suffering, contentment in the most broken times and the comfort of my soul in the Lord. My faith? Shaken to its core. Lots of why’s and how could you do this to me’s and many where do I go from here’s. And to be honest I’m still feeling this today.
For the cowgirl walking through something heavy, you do not have to walk through it alone. Join Cowgirl Conversations.
And then…
My mom sent me a text one day. It had a link to a song, “Make It Well” by MercyMe. I turned it up and sat on the couch with my dogs and I sobbed. Finally! Someone was singing exactly how my heart felt. One of the most profound parts of this song for me personally was:
“Make it well with my soul
Keep this heart from hardening like stone
Show me through the pain
There's reason still to praise
So I can sing”
I think at the beginning of my grief journey I was pleading with myself to make it ok. And that’s the thing about grief, it’s not ok. And guess what? THAT’S OK! There have been so many people on my side that have been encouraging, gave hugs, sent texts randomly. My family, all going through it just like me. My mom. The strongest human I know. But I learned real fast if I couldn’t plead in prayer, I had nothing. There is one reason that I could put one foot in front of the other most days and that’s because I am continuing to put my faith at the forefront in front of all my feelings.
Make it well. It is well. All is well. My mantra. Something that has put my entire life into prospective. We don’t have all the answers. We need a little help every now and then. If you are in the thick of it, hit your knees. Let the tears fall. Plead AND praise in prayer and you will notice a shift in your existence.
Father God,
I ask you to make it well with my soul. Point me in the direction you see fit for my life and comfort my heart as I navigate this journey you have set before me. Make it well so I can continue to sing it is well. You have guided me through this life in such a beautiful way and I want to continue to praise you in this storm. Show me the way to live with purpose and put You at the forefront of my life. I’m so thankful for this life and for the promise of eternal life to spend eternal life with you in Heaven. Amen.
0 comments